If you are on this page right now and for some reason interested, here’s a nutshell version of my coming undone story:
Some time ago, my “perfect” life hit a wall, and it seemed to come from out of the blue. I mean, I had everything you’re told to want in this life. Though my early years included a rocky crash and burn failed marriage (another story…) by the time I was 46, I had all the pieces in place, or so I thought. I’d been married to a great guy for over 15 years. We were raising four beautifully normal and reasonably happy kids. As far as my career, I was an award winning Realtor with a largely successful company. I lived in a beautiful neighborhood, had the big house with the pool. The overstated diamond ring and the luxury car? Yep, had them too. I’m sure by this point, you’re already sick of the story… but please bear with me. It’s gets easier to stomach once I create the backdrop.
Anyway, along with this package, came tremendous self induced stress. (I’m not asking for sympathy here – again just sharing elements of the story…) As the years rolled on, the unseen weight on my back and in my soul was ever-increasing. I found myself focusing more and more on trying to keep it all together, keep things running smoothly, keep everyone happy, keep perfect order. Don’t get me wrong, I never, ever thought I was perfect. That was part of the problem, I wanted to be, yet I knew I was far from it. I constantly strove for it in my performance, my relationships, my career, my home, even my walk with God…and I knew I was miserably failing.
I wasn’t measuring up to my own life standard! I was exhausted and frustrated. I grew increasingly critical and impatient with everyone around me and especially harsh with myself. With no extra time for anything, life always moving at a rapid speed, I felt it all spinning out of control and I was bitter. I resented others who had “playful and relaxing times” because my schedule was so unrealistically demanding.
Inner peace was splintered at best but mainly illusive though I’d been a Christian as long as I could remember. In fact, most of the time inside me was a raging tide of emotions just waiting to be set off by the latest set of circumstances, which also manifested as being a chronic worrier and a control freak. I was very good at slashing others with my ” brutal truth.” Of course, I never saw it that way. My worrying was just me “caring” and my controlling behavior was masked as “only trying to help.” My careless and hurtful words? That was me “being honest and real.” Me. Me. Me. Eventually, even I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with me! I detested my own behavior.
That’s when I literally asked God to change me. Change the inner me that I had become. The selfish, worrying, control freak me. Who knew that morning what started as a little prayer of few but earnest words while I was getting ready for work, would eventually grow into a blazing fire of life refinement. Though, I didn’t know it at the time, God most certainly heard my whisper and a tiny spark ignited into flame. This inner fire, over the course of the next few years, would challenge and change nearly everything about my life – reshaping the entire way I was living it. A time I now reverently and lovingly refer to as my “coming undone years,” the beautifully-terrifying time in my life.
Fast forward 5 years – I emerged with a passion to share with others what I gleaned out of the ashes of that precious learning season. It’s my whole heart’s desire to reach those who may be secretly feeling the way I did that morning I prayed my simple prayer.
This is how and why Waterfall was born. I just want to give what I’ve been given, what I’ve been blessed enough to learn this far. It’s my hope that through sharing my own life struggles and stories, along with some of the resources that are helping me grow, you will be encouraged and inspired to let go of your own past failures, imperfections and pain in order to move forward into personal freedom.
I want to point you in the direction of the One who knows your true purpose for being on this planet. I want to help you uncover the lies you have been unknowingly believing most of your life. Could it be, your identity, who you really are and your purpose, have been stolen from you and you don’t even know it? Are you ready to claim them back and get on with living the amazing life you were always meant to live?
Wherever you are in your life journey, as your eyes fall on these words, I want you to know, I truly have prayed for you. As you visit the pages of Waterfall, may you find something here that whispers hope to your heart, and brings refreshment to your soul.
Thanks for listening. <3
P.S. For more, you can visit my blog at LoveintheSmallestThings.blogspot.com